I just want to live
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From the book ”My Voice” based on a collection of written notes from youth from all walks of life.
Written arranged and performed by Martin Tang
THE STORY BEHIND THE SONG…………………..
I just want to live!!!…..a desperate plea…a cry of distress…a petition to God.
Indeed this and more described the situation I found myself a few short weeks ago. I had already for a year or so displayed symptoms that indicated that something was not quite right with me. As I begin to scour the Internet and also some medical books, the diagnosis pointed to a problem with the prostate gland. Worst case scenario; “Prostate cancer”.
Being a Christian I decided to commit this problem to the Lord. A speaker who visited a Church that I was at, had also spurred me into this decision. Apparently he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer, but refused to accept the findings of the test results that were revealed to him by a doctor. He rejected everything in the name of Jesus. Based on scripture in Isaiah , he cried to the Lord . He said he literally stood on the word of God , as he opened the bible to the chapter and stood on it. He claimed healing by the word of God, and as we know the word of God is always true. Eleven months later he was totally healed. Praise the Lord!
This encouraged me a lot, and also with the onset of SARS I decided not to visit the doctors, but to pray and wait. In the meantime there were other servants of God who prayed healing for me, the symptoms though still persisted, were bearable, but affected my work as I sometimes got tired through lack of sleep and worry. I had to visit the toilet many times a night and could not get quality sleep . Sometimes pain set in; passing urine was also not only a chore but also painful. Through all this I just lived with the pain and discomfort, not even letting my wife know what I was going through . Then as I said a couple of weeks ago I started to feel pain more frequently but also started to have chills. Add to that I had of course read about Anita Mui’s death to cancer, I was also getting news about an old friend who had cancer, on top of that the newspapers were full of reports and statistics about prostate cancer , because there was an awareness campaign going on. I began to think seriously about death and what it would mean. How would my wife cope , after all I am the sole breadwinner , what about my 2 children, I would never see them grow up , get married have kids of their own. More importantly I felt that I had not started let alone accomplished the work of my Heavenly Father. Sadness and fear set in , I found myself despairing for the Lord even more.
It was about this time that I met Elim Chew ( the lady who initiated the project “My Voice”) , she told me about how she had this idea of coming out with a book based on a collection of written notes (these were addressed to Fathers ,Mothers ,friends .. Etc ) from youth from all walks of life. She had me read some of their thoughts, and some were very distressing, a lot of them were quite depressing but most of them were a cry for a second chance in life, to be set free from the pressure of society and even the standards that they had set for themselves. Some were coming to an end of themselves, something that I could identify with. So when Elim asked me to write a song for the “project” , I gladly agreed.
The silent cry within me had now found a vehicle , and as I sat to write, the melody and lyrics just fell into place. The very words that I had been crying to God became the chorus……I just want to live!
I believe God heard my cry.
I finally went to the doctor , who did some tests and found no trace of cancer, Praise the Lord! Though there are still some symptoms they may be something else, and I believe that God will bring healing to me completely.
In this world we are never exempted from trials and battles but we are also not exempted from the Grace of God……Amen!!!!!
Get the book “My Voice” and the CD!
Enjoy the song and support the cause if you can, by buying the book and CD. All proceeds from the sale of the book and CD will go into the funding of training programmes run by the Young Entrepreneur Mastery a non-profit organization. These training modules include Life skills, Innovative and creative programmes and selling techniques. The skills the youth acquire through these programmes will serve to add value to their lives and help them embrace life and career choices with confidence and purpose.